Ashes and Obedience

Originally posted July 2017

I remember reading a story a few years ago about a little boy who’d been earmarked as the next child-prodigy. At the tender age of six, while most kids are just learning to clap their hands to music on-time, young Jonathan Okseniuk was not just performing, but conducting famous orchestras across the nation. The words he used to describe his love for music during an interview after his debut performance are burned into my soul. He said, “I was born with music in my bones.”

Music wasn’t something he learned. It was something that flowed out of him from the depths of his very framework – from his bones. Pretty profound for six!

His words cut like a knife through my heart, because I too felt like I was born with something in my bones.

Words.

From my earliest school memories, I’ve always had a thing for writing, describing, communicating. I remember being in third grade and not understanding why my classmates were having such a hard time understanding where to put commas and semicolons. In high school, I was the designated essay and book report editor in my circle of friends. But it wasn’t until years later that I realized why I like writing so much. It’s the only thing I’ve ever done that makes me feel creative – that gives me a voice.

I’ve always been the quiet one; the one who gets talked over; the one who people forget was even at the event. Not the life of the party. Not the popular one. Not the one people are craning their necks to hear what is being said. If I had a dollar for every time I tried to share in a group setting and was interrupted, only then to face that awkward moment when the group realizes you were talking and tries to act like they care about what you were going to say, I’d probably have a lot more money than I do right now.

But when I write, there is this brief moment where there is no competition, no interruptions, no embarrassment. I can be myself. I can bare my soul. I can contribute to the conversation. For a moment, someone chooses to listen because they want to. For a moment, I get the opportunity to make someone feel, hope, dream, realize. That moment is pure magic for me.

But the truth is, as much as I like writing, this blog terrifies me.

What if no one reads it? What if I offend people? What if people leave mean comments? There are tons of really talented bloggers, what could I possibly say that hasn’t already been said or that they couldn’t say better?

Terrified.

I’ve actually started a blog two other times in the past and never posted anything. So this right here, post numero uno, this is a milestone. This is me taking a step of faith and believing in the things that God has put in my heart. I’ve neglected my gift for so long. I’m so guilty of pursuing other things and ignoring what God has put right in front of me. I’m rusty. I don’t feel equipped enough to do this. I don’t feel like I’m half as good of a writer as so many other bloggers I follow, but this is me choosing to be obedient to the call of God.

Obedience

Gosh, I kind of loathe this word. It’s the thing you think you’ll get to forget once you’re an adult, but then you realize that it follows you everywhere, and that being obedient to your parents was, in a lot of ways, less of a commitment than being obedient to God.

When I reflect on my life (which I do a lot lol), I can see just how much of my heartache has been from my own disobedience. Disobedience to my parents. Disobedience to God. My life hasn’t turned out anything like I planned. But when I look around at the messes I’ve made – these piles of ash – I’m reminded of Isaiah 61.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me… to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow upon them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61: 1-3 NIV

Literally, this promise is a one-time event – the imminent return of the Lord when He will restore everything to the way it was meant to be. But even so, I feel like this exchange of beauty for ashes represents the cycles we go through. Even when we’re victims of our own arson, we can humbly hold up the ashes of our lives to the Lord and hope for something beautiful in return.

This blog is ‘holding up ashes’ in a lot ways for me. I’ve tried so many things on my own and nothing has ever panned out like I thought it would. Failures. Wasted money. Lost time. It’s sounds kind of dramatic to think that all my hopes and dreams are linked to words on a screen. Maybe they are. Maybe they aren’t. I don’t really know. I’m just trying to be obedient.

——

So I’ll leave you with this question – What were you born with ‘in your bones?’ What gift, dream, passion has God given you that you been neglecting that is just dying to rise to the surface? Music? Photography? Art? Business?

It doesn’t matter what it is. God gave it to you for a reason. There might be other people who can sing, but no one will be able to sing like you. There are lots of people who do photography, but no one else will be able to capture the world through your point of view. There are many talented artists on this planet, but no one else will be able to bring the visions inside your mind to life.

God is the ultimate Creator, and I truly believe He gave each of us an element of his creative ability. When we tap into this, we have the unique opportunity to bring Him glory by letting others share in the gifts He has bestowed upon us. God doesn’t ask us to be awesome; He just asks us to be obedient. What is He asking you to do?

Only you know what is buried in the depths of your framework. I hope you’ll take a step of faith with me and bring them out of the recesses and let them shine.

and I hope you don’t leave mean comments… and make me cry.

Okay, Post #1 – Done! This obedience thing might not be so hard after all 😉